Your People
I want to take time to address not you or I, but the people that surround you.
If you suffer from poor mental health, your people go through a lot. It takes a lot to understand mental illness if you don’t experience it, it takes a lot not to take things personally when someone is in the thick of depression, it takes a lot of love and listening and support.
If you’re the one suffering, when you feel a little better, take time to thank those people who are there for you no matter what. Show appreciation to those that make you feel safe (no small feat for those who have trauma around trust), allow you to use your words, and just keep coming back to you time and time again offering unconditional support.
For you amazingly gracious supporters I offer a few pieces of advice:
- Try not to take it personally. If someone suffering is uncommunicative, avoiding you or canceling your plans, please try to remember these actions have nothing to do with their love for you. When depression is at its darkest, simply getting off the couch can feel like an absolutely terrible task, getting out the door can feel impossible.
- Just listen. I think the most dangerous depression occurs when someone is alone with their thoughts and doesn’t feel they have an outlet to share them. If you can be the person they feel safe to talk to, tell you all those rough thoughts just as they are in their brain, without fear of judgement, that’s when transformation can happen and feeling better can be just around the corner.
- Acknowledge but avoid solving. When someone who is suffering shares thoughts, it is helpful for them to hear from you, “that sounds like depression,” or “I don’t think that’s true, you may not be feeling well.” That can be far more healing for a person than any attempt to solve the issue they are describing.
I’d compare it to trying to fix a physical illness for a person when you’re not a doctor. An attempt at resolution might only make those thoughts worse, or make the person feel worse for not being able to accomplish the “fix.” Acknowledging the thought as unhealthy however, can be extremely helpful. Just like physical illness, you can see it and call it out, then you tell your person to find a professional to help fix it.
On my life bucket list is to find a way to create more support groups for these incredible souls who are selflessly helping us thrive. For now, I’ll just say thank you. If you have a loved one who is suffering and you are following these oftentimes very challenging steps, I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say you may have saved a life a time or two.
