An Ode to Silken Tofu

I’ve read about it, I’ve heard about it, and still nothing quite prepares you for the whirlwind of midlife madness. I remember seeing a trailer for an Oprah show about it where she says you can not outsmart this life phase, you can’t out exercise it, out earn it, or in my case out “balance” it. I’ve been in menopause since November of this year and let me tell you, Oprah is spot on with this one. If you’ve been following along on my journey, you know that insomnia was a major symptom of my depression growing up. I’d go days without sleep, taking a larger and larger toll on both my mental and physical health. Finding sleep after developing a mindfulness practice was my first climb out of the hole. Mindfulness helped me slow down and not react to my thoughts, which in turn brought sleep. Sleep brought a whole other slew of balanced wellness practices, which you can read about here. But damn it this menopause is disrupting my sleep. I get woken up 2 to 3 times per night right now experiencing hot flashes. Then those hot flashes soak my sheets, and sometimes I’ll wake up a few more times freezing cold because of that. I have an emergency blanket at my bedside that goes on and off throughout the night to help with my complete lack of body temperature regulation. Woof. No I haven’t done anything medically yet. I’ve tried adding as many hormone-producing foods into my diet as possible (see Balanced Body below) but because there is zero consistency to my symptoms, I have a few good nights and that convinces me I will be over this phase soon, then they come raging back. The only consistent symptom sparker seems to be wine…seriously menopause?!? You cause me all this drama AND take away wine?!? Couple that with some trauma around all things medical (another blog for another day) and well, I just haven’t made the leap to hormone therapy yet. So what am I doing to try to stay as balanced as possible during this phase? ROUTINE. I am buckling down on my routine no matter how much my brain tries to convince me “I’m too tired.” That’s a 7-minute sit, a quick gratitude list and exercise in the morning. Stretching, 3 minutes of focusing on my breath, and outlining 3 wins for today and what I hope will be 3 wins for tomorrow in the evening. All in all a pretty tiny amount of my day, but boy does my tired somewhat foggy brain want to fight that. No matter what night of sleep I get however, my routine makes me feel miles better. REST. I’m sneaking in a 15-minute lunch nap any day that I can. I am not a natural napper and if I go longer than that I get groggy. But that tiny pause in my day has really worked wonders when I’ve had an especially bad night of sleep. I’m also trying to go to bed a half hour earlier (which in my day-to-day world means serious senior citizen time, and I’m owning that) just to catch up on some sleep on the front end. Finally, I’m honoring a new wake-up time that’s about a half hour to an hour later than I would like. Yes, I still get up pretty early but not as early as I prefer. However losing 1 to 2 hours of sleep per night, I know this is a more balanced approach. This new wake time also means when it fits in my schedule, I’ll split my workout in half (half in the morning and half after work) to fit it all in. Annnd let’s be honest, COFFEE, lots of coffee. 🙂 The silver lining? There is one. This life stage has actually helped me loosen my grip on a lifestyle that at times can become a little too rigid. When something threatens to buck my routine, I can get a little too worried and strict about getting back to it. It’s my brain’s way of surviving the little voice in my head that says, “I can’t go back, I can never go back” to that darker place. BUT, you want me to spend a later evening with you now? Welp, I’m not gonna sleep great whether I blow past my bedtime or not, so let’s go for it. You want me to have a large lunch full of things that are going to make me tired and bloated for the rest of the day? Sure. I’m gonna be tired and bloated anyway, so yeah I’ll have seconds at that summer picnic. ...all within my 80/20 rule of cours e... So this midlife has opened the door to me saying yes to more things than I normally would. And that’s kinda great. I’ve had some awesome moments with people I care about. And met some super cool people I wouldn’t have otherwise. I’ll take it. And I’ll keep you posted on how this goes. PS Happy belated Mother’s Day to anyone who cares for others. I bow to you and recognize everything I say is 1,000 times harder for you to implement some days. And mad respect to those of you mamas (and I personally know a ton of you) that DO manage to keep up as much of this balance as makes sense for you. You are our SHEros.

Your brain will straight up lie to you. There’s no way to sugar coat that, friends, there just isn’t. But your brain also creates beautiful ideas and inventions, and well, everything you see that surrounds us. It’s the power of the AND. Your brain is the king of the “and.” The first step in finding balance is recognizing this. The second step is discerning the beautiful part of your brain from the beast. The third is not reacting to, judging or negotiating with the beastly part. It’s tough, tough work. It’s lifelong work. And even if your friends start calling you things like the “definition of balance” (a term so kindly bestowed on me by some friends recently). You’re still gonna have to work your a** off on this part for the rest of your life as you sway back and forth, in and out of balance. Does it get easier? Yes and no. The beauty of understanding the feeling of balance is that you don’t have to rely on your brain so much. You know how it feels to be in a place of solid, grounded peace, no matter what your brain is shouting you “should” or “could” be doing. The harder part is that the more you find balance, the more likely it is that you are upleveling your life. Your focus and pure presence have likely brought about more of whatever you define as a successful life--mentally, physically, or materially. That uplevel can mean those brain lies cut a little deeper, make you question every decision you make to protect your peace. If you’ve learned to sit with that pain in your belly, it might fight a little harder to make you pay attention to it. It might put up a bigger fight to try to force you to listen to those untruths. This is when you have to remind yourself, your brain will straight up lie to you. Under no circumstances should you negotiate with these thoughts. That’s where spiraling lives, that’s where lack of balance lies. Sometimes holding hard to your balanced routines will do the trick.

What you might see when you look at this picture is a physical transformation. My size, my shininess, the polish of my look. What I see, is the change in my eyes. 

It never fails, when I try to explain the beautiful, balanced culture we are building at KidGlov (focused on finding joy in our work), someone inevitably says, “Oh, you mean good work/life balance?”

There’s an art to vulnerability, especially at work. Being real is what connects us as humans, but that doesn’t mean you need to share every nitty, gritty detail for someone to relate.

What does wellness mean to you?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to inspire someone.

I posted on social media this week about Soup Sundays at the Warren house. It is a near sacred practice here, and very much a part of living a balanced life.

I am living proof that people can, in fact, change.