Want What You Want, Need What You Need

How would that hit you? When someone said this to me, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I don’t know if it’s just because we are midwesterners, because I don’t know anything else, or if the whole world does this, but I’m noticing there are so many of us that spend so much time convincing ourselves of what we “should” be like, what we “should” be able to do/tolerate/get through, etc. that its easy forget what you actually like, what lifts you up, and what is actually healthy for your brain and your body.

This is my work right now, so I’m sharing with you because let me tell you, on the days that I am fully respecting my true self, the world is opening up in the coolest of ways, here’s what I’m working on…

Respecting my innate need for space and quiet. I am no longer calling myself “introverted” or making any other excuse for the fact that I simply feel better when I don’t expose myself to as many people or places every day. I am honoring that a couple nights per week of activity is about all I can do and still show up fully, graciously and truly enjoy my time out in the world. Does that mean I have to prioritize and likely piss a few people off? Yes. But the amount of energy I wake up with each day when I’m able to adhere to this is amazing. And the gifts I do give to the world in this state are well above and beyond what I can when I’m burnt out.
Listening to myself. I am doing a lot less negotiating with that inner voice that tells me what to do (or not do) each day. I am a discerner by nature, I have a great gut feel and intuition. I am listening to her more and arguing with her less. Again the end result is the same, by gifting myself the same respect for my opinion and needs that I give others, I am able to give more authentically and richly to those that surround me.
Saying out loud what I want and need. Sometimes I need to eat a whole piece of cake and not share it with you. Sometimes I need to not talk for a while if it’s been a noisy day. Sometimes I need to use my words with something that’s been bothering me in order to move on. And sometimes I need to work out again (yes, again). I’m ALLOWED to have wants and needs, and I am fighting that midwestern(?) desire to keep quiet and smile through it with every ounce of my being. This is a really tough one, but every time I win a battle to speak up, I’m one step further towards growth.
Prioritizing joy. Necessities aside (you know, adulting stuff – doctor appointments, earning income, etc.), if what I’m doing is not bringing me joy, is it worth it? And to further that question, if that something is with others, is it worth it for them? If I’m painfully slogging through a social engagement, activity, or any of the other million things our minds tell us we “should” do because others can, or others enjoy it, or others (insert something here), is it REALLY benefiting the people I’m with if I’m miserable? I’m starting to think no, and honoring this thought more often.

This is tough work friends, but let me tell you, the shifts I’ve experienced in my energy alone have been pretty major. I wake up ready to do things, I drink half of my beloved coffee and don’t finish the rest, I have opportunities arising from a lot of angles because, I believe, I’ve given myself the time and space to dream about them more. And all this is happening while accomplishing this amazingly beautiful end result of being a better support for others. Feels like it’s gonna pay off, I hope if some of this resonates with you it does for you too. We can do this, fight hard this week not to dim your light for the “should’s” in your mind or from others.

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A woman is running with two dogs in a park.

Balancing a Brain that’s Fighting Back

By Katherine Warren • April 6, 2025

Your brain will straight up lie to you. There’s no way to sugar coat that, friends, there just isn’t. But your brain also creates beautiful ideas and inventions, and well, everything you see that surrounds us. It’s the power of the AND. Your brain is the king of the “and.” The first step in finding balance is recognizing this. The second step is discerning the beautiful part of your brain from the beast. The third is not reacting to, judging or negotiating with the beastly part. It’s tough, tough work. It’s lifelong work. And even if your friends start calling you things like the “definition of balance” (a term so kindly bestowed on me by some friends recently). You’re still gonna have to work your a** off on this part for the rest of your life as you sway back and forth, in and out of balance. Does it get easier? Yes and no. The beauty of understanding the feeling of balance is that you don’t have to rely on your brain so much. You know how it feels to be in a place of solid, grounded peace, no matter what your brain is shouting you “should” or “could” be doing. The harder part is that the more you find balance, the more likely it is that you are upleveling your life. Your focus and pure presence have likely brought about more of whatever you define as a successful life--mentally, physically, or materially. That uplevel can mean those brain lies cut a little deeper, make you question every decision you make to protect your peace. If you’ve learned to sit with that pain in your belly, it might fight a little harder to make you pay attention to it. It might put up a bigger fight to try to force you to listen to those untruths. This is when you have to remind yourself, your brain will straight up lie to you. Under no circumstances should you negotiate with these thoughts. That’s where spiraling lives, that’s where lack of balance lies. Sometimes holding hard to your balanced routines will do the trick.