A personal reflection on change, mental health, and why healing doesn’t come from starting over somewhere new.
I posted on social media this week about Soup Sundays at the Warren house. It is a near sacred practice here, and very much a part of living a balanced life.
What balanced eating actually looks like in real life. A simple 80/20 approach to healthy habits without restriction, guilt, or perfection.
A real-life dinner that balances nutrition, ease, and enjoyment
A simple 7-minute mindfulness practice you can use to reset your day, even when life feels busy.
I am living proof that people can, in fact, change.
My mom took seven days to die. She was in hospice, in a state they call "active dying" for seven days. My sisters and I would meet at her room and sit and talk and sit and work a little and sit and watch reality TV; all day, every day, as if it were our jobs. Then this saint of a hospice nurse would come in, tell us how she spent the last night with mom brushing her hair and telling her how pretty she was, and encourage us to go home and go to bed. "She's not going to die tonight," she'd say, "go home and get some rest." We'd give a collective sigh and head home. In the morning, before I'd head back to mom's room, I'd do a 60-minute bootcamp workout. 6o minutes every day, no matter how poorly I'd slept or how run down I felt. My normal workout routine includes exercise most days, but not a 60-minute boot camp; those are once per week at most because they are a beast. Shout out to Peloton's Jess Sims (IYKYK). I was sore, spent, kind of numb, but MAN did I need that morning routine every day. I needed the sense of accomplishment. I needed the rush of adrenaline, of pure presence and feeling. And I needed to take care of my body, because I'm on a mission not to have to suffer like my mom did. Not in hospice, but as she did in the last few years of her life, battling diabetes and cirrhosis. I recognize that I don't have full control over what happens to me. I have a slew of chronic diseases in my genes. But I'm going to try. My daily movement is a major piece of that fight. The rest is all this balance work. This is deeply personal to me, friends, deeply. October always picks at my grief wounds; my dad died at age 56 in late October, my mom died at 72 on the Day of the Dead, November 1st. They were both too young. And they both had suffered from some serious health issues, for basically as long as I can remember. After my dad died, that's what kicked my own wellness journey into high gear. I vowed to do everything I could to not let genetics win. I fight like hell so that I can be as active and alive and as vibrant as possible as long as I can. To be there for my family, my nieces, and my friends (so close they are family) as the healthiest, most balanced me. So in case you're wondering why I chose exercise over just about anything else. Why I will prioritize it over well, just about everything. Now you know. Movement not only helps my brain. It helps me feel like I'm in this fight. That I'm trying as hard as I possibly can to beat this bs. To be the very balanced and best version of me I can be—for them, for me, and to prove I can do this. And you know what? YOU can do this. Find your "why" and attach it to how you choose to balance your body (whether that's a run, a walk, or nutritious food). Make it personal. And then hit play on your version of that bootcamp whenever you need it.
Fresh Tomato Soup
The Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookie
I’ve read about it, I’ve heard about it, and still nothing quite prepares you for the whirlwind of midlife madness. I remember seeing a trailer for an Oprah show about it where she says you can not outsmart this life phase, you can’t out exercise it, out earn it, or in my case out “balance” it. I’ve been in menopause since November of this year and let me tell you, Oprah is spot on with this one. If you’ve been following along on my journey, you know that insomnia was a major symptom of my depression growing up. I’d go days without sleep, taking a larger and larger toll on both my mental and physical health. Finding sleep after developing a mindfulness practice was my first climb out of the hole. Mindfulness helped me slow down and not react to my thoughts, which in turn brought sleep. Sleep brought a whole other slew of balanced wellness practices, which you can read about here. But damn it this menopause is disrupting my sleep. I get woken up 2 to 3 times per night right now experiencing hot flashes. Then those hot flashes soak my sheets, and sometimes I’ll wake up a few more times freezing cold because of that. I have an emergency blanket at my bedside that goes on and off throughout the night to help with my complete lack of body temperature regulation. Woof. No I haven’t done anything medically yet. I’ve tried adding as many hormone-producing foods into my diet as possible (see Balanced Body below) but because there is zero consistency to my symptoms, I have a few good nights and that convinces me I will be over this phase soon, then they come raging back. The only consistent symptom sparker seems to be wine…seriously menopause?!? You cause me all this drama AND take away wine?!? Couple that with some trauma around all things medical (another blog for another day) and well, I just haven’t made the leap to hormone therapy yet. So what am I doing to try to stay as balanced as possible during this phase? ROUTINE. I am buckling down on my routine no matter how much my brain tries to convince me “I’m too tired.” That’s a 7-minute sit, a quick gratitude list and exercise in the morning. Stretching, 3 minutes of focusing on my breath, and outlining 3 wins for today and what I hope will be 3 wins for tomorrow in the evening. All in all a pretty tiny amount of my day, but boy does my tired somewhat foggy brain want to fight that. No matter what night of sleep I get however, my routine makes me feel miles better. REST. I’m sneaking in a 15-minute lunch nap any day that I can. I am not a natural napper and if I go longer than that I get groggy. But that tiny pause in my day has really worked wonders when I’ve had an especially bad night of sleep. I’m also trying to go to bed a half hour earlier (which in my day-to-day world means serious senior citizen time, and I’m owning that) just to catch up on some sleep on the front end. Finally, I’m honoring a new wake-up time that’s about a half hour to an hour later than I would like. Yes, I still get up pretty early but not as early as I prefer. However losing 1 to 2 hours of sleep per night, I know this is a more balanced approach. This new wake time also means when it fits in my schedule, I’ll split my workout in half (half in the morning and half after work) to fit it all in. Annnd let’s be honest, COFFEE, lots of coffee. 🙂 The silver lining? There is one. This life stage has actually helped me loosen my grip on a lifestyle that at times can become a little too rigid. When something threatens to buck my routine, I can get a little too worried and strict about getting back to it. It’s my brain’s way of surviving the little voice in my head that says, “I can’t go back, I can never go back” to that darker place. BUT, you want me to spend a later evening with you now? Welp, I’m not gonna sleep great whether I blow past my bedtime or not, so let’s go for it. You want me to have a large lunch full of things that are going to make me tired and bloated for the rest of the day? Sure. I’m gonna be tired and bloated anyway, so yeah I’ll have seconds at that summer picnic. ...all within my 80/20 rule of course... So this midlife has opened the door to me saying yes to more things than I normally would. And that’s kinda great. I’ve had some awesome moments with people I care about. And met some super cool people I wouldn’t have otherwise. I’ll take it. And I’ll keep you posted on how this goes. PS Happy belated Mother’s Day to anyone who cares for others. I bow to you and recognize everything I say is 1,000 times harder for you to implement some days. And mad respect to those of you mamas (and I personally know a ton of you) that DO manage to keep up as much of this balance as makes sense for you. You are our SHEros.